bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
