Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
