i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
