She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
