in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
