It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
