can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
