someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
