And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
