Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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