I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
