If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
