she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize