they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
