are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
try to milk me bitch
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