you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
