Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How naked do you want me to be?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
