Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
