When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
