Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
