who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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