YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
