the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
