my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
These tits shall not be calmed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
