eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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