she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
