Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
