my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
