he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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