I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
