I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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