How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
