we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
