Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
