you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
