Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
