K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
