Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
