No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
