the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
