3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
