Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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