We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
