Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
