stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
