I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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