The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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