Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You're earring is so big in my mouth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We left an ass print on the piano.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
