doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
