just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
