I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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