I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I love you.
Bad choice
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
