the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
