3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
