In America we eat man semen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
