Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
