The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
