You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize