were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
