just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
