So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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