do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
