My hand turned me down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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