I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
