if i can run in heels then i can drive
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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