While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
