the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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