Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
