as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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